When I first saw Steve sophomore year of high school, sitting on the opposite side of me in Chemistry class, the first thing I noticed was his sense of confidence. The second thing I noticed was that if the school ever caught fire, he would be strong enough to carry me to safety. Perhaps deep down in my consciousness and human evolution, my primal instinct was to find someone who could protect me.
We dated on and off (mostly off) in high school and college. It's funny how I left the Midwest to go to school in Boston, thinking I'd meet someone new and more 'New England'. But, I couldn't let go of Steve. Our relationship became more serious the day I graduated college. He drove a thousand miles to pick me up from school and then a thousand miles back to move me home. I wish I could say this was the only time I made him drive from Chicago to Boston and back again, but it's not.
For the next five years, Steve and I would go through the ups and downs of young adulthood together. Our first jobs, moving in together, living together, relocating for work, relocating back for work, finding apartments together. It wasn't always pretty, but it was nice knowing we had each other's backs while we sifted through this crazy thing called life.
We talked about marriage as this event that would eventually have to happen. When I was younger, I had all these grand ideas for a big, glamorous wedding. Then, I got older, more introverted, more practical.
When Steve proposed in the summer of 2015, I wasn't ready to get married. I was hyperfocused on my career and knew I didn't have the energy (or funds) to plan a wedding. I was upset that Steve felt pressured by society to propose. "Now people will stop asking me when I'm going to propose," he said. I was furious. I felt like he had caved and instead of doing what was right for us, he did what he thought he was supposed to do by family, friends, random strangers, society and the wedding industry at large. An engagement is meant to be a happy time, but I was filled with anxiety. "The timing of when a woman gets married in her life should not be dictated by a man," I thought to myself. Notions of my high school need for a guy to protect me were thrown out the window.
It took about a year and several serious conversations with Steve before I felt ready to plan a wedding. And once I started planning, I became fully immersed.
Being the planner that I am, I love to make lists. So of course, I made several throughout my wedding planning process.
Things I knew I did not want for our wedding:
- Dancing (I can't dance)
- A DJ (I can't dance)
- An MC (I don't like being the center of attention)
- An open bar (I don't drink alcohol)
Don't I sound super fun?
At one point in my life, I loved all these things. But when I stopped drinking alcohol, I realized it's really hard for me to dance sober and pretend to be extroverted. And when it comes to my wedding, why would I pay a lot of money for other people to drink alcohol and dance and make me uncomfortable? If you're an extrovert and reading this, I might sound like the Grinch. If you're an introvert and reading this, perhaps you'll understand where I'm coming from.
There were two other things that I did not want for our wedding. One, I didn't want to inconvenience people. I know how logistically challenging and expensive attending a wedding can be, especially if you have to fly. Second, I didn't want to gather together all the important people in my life and then not be able to have meaningful conversations with them. I would much rather have personal, one-on-one conversations with my friends and family, and I knew I wouldn't get that if I threw a big wedding.
Because I didn't want some of the quintessential elements of a wedding, I asked Steve if he'd consider eloping. "Let's go to Iceland or New Zealand - just the two of us," I said. He thought about it and agreed at first. But then, he started to question who should be there to witness our marriage. "I really feel like our parents should be there," he said a couple months after the elopement idea. "Fine, I suppose you're right," I responded, somewhat begrudgingly. My parents had a quick courthouse ceremony, so I had a feeling they'd understand if I decided to elope.
Once parents were invited, thus began the snowball effect of where the wedding should be and who else should be invited:
- Well, if parents are coming, then they won't want to travel half way around the world. It'll have to be a Chicago ceremony.
- Where in Chicago do we have the ceremony?
- Do we invite siblings?
- What about our siblings' spouses?
- What about my grandpa?
- What about aunts and uncles?
- What about close friends?
- What about friends who are close by?
- What about family friends I know?
- What about family friends I don't know?
- What about distant relatives?
The questions became harder and harder to answer. And, the questions kept coming.
We ultimately compromised on the big things:
- We would invite parents, siblings, and the three relatives who helped raise me.
- We would have a short ceremony in Chicago and fly to Ireland the next day for an 'elopement' photoshoot.
- We would keep the ceremony small so we could save money for a long honeymoon.
Once the big things were nailed down, the little details had to be ironed out. And, there were so. many. details. Even for my microwedding.
The Dress
For me, choosing a wedding dress was probably the most stressful part of planning a wedding. I was nervous I would purchase a dress only to change my mind a few months later. There were so many styles and fabrics and accessories that I loved.
It was important that I bring people with me when I went dress shopping so that I could talk through what I was thinking and hear other opinions. I am so happy Steve's mom and aunt came with me. They were wonderful at being both supportive and opinionated at the same time - a difficult task when dealing with a stubborn bride like me.
I went into the shopping trip with a vision of the dress I wanted: long sleeves, floral, and lace. As a result, I had tunnel vision, which is why having Steve's mom and aunt with me were crucial.
I had tried on a few dresses at Jade's Bridal in Pilsen and loved almost everything I tried on. Then, we went to Jenny Yoo in River North. As we sat waiting for our appointment to begin, Steve's mom eyed a strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline and lots of floral. When she mentioned it to me, I was hesitant. I wasn't a fan of strapless dresses or sweetheart necklines. But, I loved the color of the dress and the flowers. I told her I'd give it a try.
Our Jenny Yoo consultant, Ashley, was brilliant. She first had me try on a few dresses I had picked out that weren't the most flattering for my figure (which she knew at the time but I didn't). Just as my confidence was lowering, she had me try on the dress Steve's mom picked. When I walked out of the dressing room, I could tell everyone knew this was the one. The store instantly seemed to fill with a romantic, lavender hue. We all got starry-eyed and rosy-cheeked. I was in love, especially when Ashley topped off my look with a floor-length veil.
We probably could have stopped looking at more dresses at this point. But, I was still so hung up on my original vision. I needed to validate the fact that the dress at Jenny Yoo was for me. And, a part of me still wanted long sleeves. We finished the day at Nordstrom's Wedding Suite and at BHLDN. None of the dresses there compared to the one we loved at Jenny Yoo.
The next day, we went to Weddings 826 in Lincoln Park, a lovely boutique on Armitage that I had walked by many times. The store had several two pieces we could mix and match, which were looks the other places didn't offer. Our consultant put together the exact look I had been wanting: long sleeves, floral, and lace. I loved it (though I could tell Steve's mom and aunt were less sure about it). I instantly began debating whether I should purchase both this dress and the one at Jenny Yoo. Everyone told me to think about it for a few days. Good idea.
As I debated which dress to get, I couldn't stop thinking about how I felt in the Jenny Yoo one. There was just something magical about the feeling in the room when I walked out in it. Yes, the dress at Weddings 826 was everything I wanted. But, the dress at Jenny Yoo felt right to me.
The Location
Once we decided to have a Chicago ceremony, I began researching every possible location in the city. I even created a spreadsheet. We whittled down the list by making sure it had our mandatories:
- Both indoor and outdoor seating options in case it rained
- Enough decor already in the space so we wouldn't have to buy additional decorations or flowers
- A reputation for good food
- An easy location to drive to
- A rooftop
- Budget-friendly
The Little Goat Diner in the West Loop checked off all those boxes. Their events team was wonderful to work with. They walked us through the venue and were incredibly responsive to my questions. It was the perfect location for us.
The Photographers
I really enjoyed the process of choosing a wedding photographer (or in our case, wedding photographers). It was fun to explore the different styles and creative ideas out there, and I loved combing through each photographer's Instagram handle to visualize their work as a whole. When I stumbled across the Colagrossis, I gravitated towards the message they were sharing: hand-crafted storytelling. That is exactly what I wanted for Steve and me. I wanted photographers who could tell our love story.
Mitch and Destany Colagrossi are two of the kindest people you'll ever meet. They instantly make you feel like old friends. We first met them over Skype and knew they were the right photographers for our Chicago ceremony. They wanted to hear about our history and our vision for the wedding. Destany was a great guide during my planning process. She would readily bounce ideas around with me and offer advice.
Steve and I also had the privilege of looking for a photographer for our 'elopement' photoshoot in Ireland. This was a little tougher considering I wasn't very familiar with European photographers. I was looking through Junebug's top wedding photographers and came across Maciej "Magic" Suwalowski. He just seemed so fun and full of adventure. Plus, he knew his way around Ireland. After a few email exchanges with him, we were hooked on his enthusiasm and creativity.
I can't believe how lucky we got with our photographers. We really love them.
The Chicago Culmination
